On Becoming Pro-Life

Goodness, it’s been two weeks since my last post!  But I’m a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom of seven…first things first!

I’ve had in mind what I've wanted to write about for some time.  The recent March for Life reminded me of my own personal journey of becoming Pro-Life and open to life.

Growing up in a strong Christian home, there was no question in my mind that abortion was personally wrong, but it was there that I drew the line...it was a personal opinion that I would not impose on others.  I was a teenager back in the 1980s, and, when we would discuss the Pro-Life movement as a family, my father would always remind us that part of the price of living in a free country is that some people are allowed to do things that we don’t personally agree with.  So, I guess, I considered myself to be Pro-Choice…in the truest sense of the word.  It was simply that – a choice.  I would never choose to have an abortion, but I respected that some women would choose to do that.  I can’t say though that I gave much thought to what an abortion was; it was “just” the termination of a pregnancy in an early stage…not yet a baby (in my mind at the time).  You can tell how naive I was about the whole thing.

Fast forward several years to 2002.  My husband, Michael, and I were engaged and sat down with the pastor of our church for pre-marital counseling.  One of the first questions we were asked was what we were going to do for birth control.  Michael and I had each been married previously.  I had, at the time, an eight year old son, and Michael had a seven year old daughter and a ten year old son.  So with that in mind, we decided that we really didn’t need to have any more children, and Michael would have a vasectomy.  I was thirty years old and Michael was thirty-three…we were getting kind of old anyway!

Okay now, no judging!  I looked and thought a lot differently then!  :o)

Michael and I were married in May, and during the summer we scheduled his appointment for September.  But right before the appointment (as in a day or two before!), we called to cancel.  We had decided that we would like to have at least one baby together.  Anderson was born in July of 2003.  Holden came next in October of 2004.  Then Kara in November of 2005!  Whew!!  I’d had enough!  I talked with my doctor about getting my tubes tied while I was in the hospital with Kara.  But what happened next was truly God’s intervention!

Holden and Anderson - Best Buds!

A week before I had Kara, my doctor moved her offices to a new hospital that had just opened.  Brand new everything…state-of-the-art!  St. Francis Hospital.  I had no idea who St. Francis was; it was a hospital and that was all that mattered to me.  But my doctor informed me that she could not do the tubal ligation at St. Francis, because it was a Catholic hospital.  She was not allowed to do any sterilization procedures there.  I would have to schedule something at a later date at a different hospital.  Well, with six children to now take care of, I had lost my window of opportunity!

At this time, Michael and I were not opposed to the use of birth control within the marriage, but the Pill never made me feel good, so that was why we had looked at something permanent.  I think I also would have still considered myself Pro-Choice.  All that being said, I still think it’s a miracle that we had our first three after we got married!  But now this silly Catholic hospital was making things difficult for me.  I mean, I had just had three babies in three and half years; the last two being only thirteen months apart!  I needed a break!

In the last part of 2006 we moved from Richmond, VA to Charlotte, NC.  Long story short, but it was in Charlotte that we met another family with lots of kids, they homeschooled like we did, and had a strong faith in God.  We finally got together with them in April of 2007…I had just found out I was expecting again.  This family was also Catholic…a big “no no” in my faith background!  But they loved the Lord and lived a life that showed it.  In 2007, Michael and I began to take steps to enter the Catholic Church.  A Church that teaches that the marriage bond should be open to life and not interfered with.  My marriage took on more purpose as I became open to life.  My husband and I grew closer to one another as we saw our marriage as a sacrament.  Kimberly Hahn’s book Life Giving Love was also instrumental in helping me understand these things.

I also became more aware of the Catholic Church’s stance on abortion and birth control.  I realized it for what it really was and was saddened that I had believed the lie for so long.  Sometimes you ignore the truth because you’re afraid of what might happen.  I might have too many children.  I might become Catholic.  So on and so on.

But now I had to really test my faith.  No more contraception.  I would trust in God, and I would be open to life!  Katherine was born in December of 2007.  By this time we had learned about Natural Family Planning (NFP).  NFP is a way to chart a woman’s cycle and know her fertile and infertile times.  Many women who want to become pregnant have actually used this method to achieve pregnancy.  Other women have discovered illnesses that had gone undetected.  There are many benefits to NFP, but a main one is that the husband and wife do it together.  There are so many stories of how NFP has saved marriages and brought the husband and wife closer together.

Katherine, Charlotte, & Kara - I love having little girls!

So now what?  Well, I’m not finished!  Charlotte was born in October of 2009.  I had a miscarriage in April 2010 while we were traveling to visit family.  We named the baby Francis Grace, and she is buried in Fairfield, PA.  Clare was born in April 2011.  And Mary was born in September of 2012, after our move to North Dakota.

Where we buried Francis Grace in Pennsylvania.  It was terrible losing a baby for the first time.  But Michael and I cooperated with God's plan for Francis Grace by being open to life. If we hadn't, then perhaps Francis Grace would never have existed, and in that case, that would have been the greatest tragedy of all.  We gave Francis Grace life, which she now has forever in Heaven.

 Kara and Clare.  Kara loves "mothering" her younger sisters!

And Baby Mary!

Am I Pro-Life now?  The answer is a resounding “YES”!!  When I think of just one of my kids never having existed….just because I didn’t feel like having more…I literally feel sick inside.  Too many kids…never!  I could fill pages of how God has provided.  As a woman, my body was made to bear children.  As a married woman, it is God’s will that I have children.  When you do God’s will, you will be blessed, and God will make a way.  And I understand that some couples are not able to have children, and I know their hearts ache.  But God will provide ways for you to share your motherhood…be open to what God would have you do with your spiritual motherhood…something that I believe is given to all women.

I know not everyone will agree with everything I’ve written here.  I know Baptists and Presbyterians (among others) who are strong in their faith and are wonderful Christians, but also have made a personal decision to use birth control within their marriages.  I completely understand….I’ve been there!  Some may question my decision to become Catholic (and many have), but I can only tell you that it has transformed my life and marriage, and I enjoy a deeper relationship with Christ that I wouldn’t change for anything.

I’ll end with a quote by one of my favorite authors Scott Hahn.

"So when “the two become one” in the covenant of marriage, the “one” they become is so real that nine months later they might have to give it a name! The child embodies their covenant oneness."